


The Ted Bundy of Drag - A Real Who Dunnit!

by orphan_account



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race (US) RPF
Genre: AAAAAAAH, Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Aquaria is the hot bartender server chef busboy, Batman References, Blood and Gore, Crime Scenes, F/F, LMAO, Michelle is the police officer, Murder, Murder Mystery, OH SHIT THESE HOT CHEETOS ARE HITTING DIFFERENT, Ross is the Starbucks barista on campus, Ru is the professor for every class, Silky is the librarian, THEY SO SPICY, Vanjie is RICH, although trix is... worth like... A LOT, anywho, everyone is as dumb as they are in real life, except for Brooke she's smart in disguise, have y'all ever played that app Episode, i made one with DJ Khaled and Big Chungus in it and it was glorious, i was gonna put Jeffrey Dahmer but, it's not too graphic tho, just like real life, let's see ummmm, meh Ted has a higher body count, ok that's all, omg guys my mouth really burns this hurts, same bat time same bat channel, silly wabbit twix awe fo kidz
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-23 15:47:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30057801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: There's a killer on the loose at Tuckahoe University! Who will survive, and who will find out who the killer is? Stay tuned for trouble, drama, and dismay!
Relationships: Alaska/Sharon Needles, Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo, Gigi Goode/Crystal Methyd, Trixie Mattel/Katya Zamolodchikova, Violet Chachki/Pearl Liaison
Kudos: 2





	1. Something's Amiss!

**Author's Note:**

> i wanna shave my head, my sister measured my hair and it's 32 inches long and i'm SICK OF IT, maybe i can donate my hair bc i've never bleached it or dyed it

"Oh my God, Ronnie!" The girls were rapping Danielle Bregoli's number one hit single 'Hi Bich' (paying homage bc her birthday is in 10 days uwu) as they got ready to go to class.

"HI BICH! HI BICH! HI BICH! HI BICH!" Vanjie screamed as she put on her highlight and the squad grabbed their backpacks and headed out of the sorority house and onto campus. They got to Algebra and sat down next to each other as the mad dogged the non sorority girls and ugly nerd boys. They batted their eyelashes at the hot frat boys and bit their lips and giggled when they winked at them. Anywho, it was time for the lecture.

"Hello, hello, helloooo kitty people! Today, we'll be working on integers." Professor Ru said and Vanjie leaned over to Trixie.

"The fuck is an integer?" Trixie thought for a moment.

"Isn't that like, a letter? Or is that a decimal?" Vanjie shrugged. She hated math; it was so stupid! Who even knew how to multiply and divide numbers bigger than 10?

"Vanjie, will you come up here?" Ru asked and Vanjie groaned.

"Do I have to?" Ru crossed his arms.

"Do you wanna graduate?" Vanjie rolled her eyes and went up to the whiteboard.

"This isn't too hard, don't worry. All you need to do is multiply 29 times 1." Vanjie bit her lip. Umm... she took the whiteboard pen and used all of her brain power; all 2 of her tired braincells.

"I think... the answer is..." Vanjie counted in her head,

"Um..."

"29!" Brooke yell-whispered from her seat.

"29?" Ru smiled and nodded.

"Great work, Vanjie!" Vanjie flipped her long, burgundy hair and smirked. Easy.

"Alright class, that's all for today. Read chapters 30 and 31 for homework." Everyone got up and it was time for Biology, but Vanjie and the gang had enough of school for today.

"Wanna go to Starbiez?" Violet asked.

"Duh!" Pearl said and they walked over to the Starbucks on campus.

"Hey girls, what can I do ya for?" Ross asked and they all wanted the same thing.

"10 vente iced white chocolate mocha whipped Frappuccinos with 7 pumps Splenda, 8 shots espresso, 6 ice cubes crushed not blended, whipped cream on the bottom and top, extra caramel drizzle in the middle only." Ross nodded and got to work. It was free since they were popular sorority girls.

"And here you are!" Ross handed them their drinks and they sat down at the one of the tables. They drank their sweet drinks and talked until Trixie got up.

"Shoot, I forgot my phone! I'll be back." The girls nodded and continued talking until they finished their drinks.

"Wait, where's Trix?" Katya asked so they went back to the house.

"Trixieeeee?" Alaska called up and they went into her room and - 

"AAAAAAAH!!!" Sharon shrieked. Trixie's bloody, dismembered and beheaded body was laying on her bed and she gotdamn head was on her desk while her arms and legs were all over the room! 

"HEEEEELP! HEEEEELLLLLPPPPP!!!!" Gigi screamed as Vanjie called campus security.


	2. The Girls Go To a Poorly Timed Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i vaped half a 30 ml bottle today i'm- how am i not dead from nicotine poisoning that shit is 50 mg

"W-we didn't see who did it, we were at Starbucks!" Brooke cry-said as police officer Michelle Visage asked them questions outside of the house.

"Here's my card, call me if you see any suspicious activity." Michelle got back in her car and sped off.

"There is NO way I'm staying in that house tonight." Crystal said and the girls nodded. They all ended up sleeping on the sidewalk and when morning came, Vanjie called her daddy.

"Daddy? Can you buy us a new house, Trixie got murdered in ours. Oh okay, thank you!" Vanjie put her phone back in her Gucci handbag.

"Good news y'all, my daddy's gonna buy us a new house!" The girls cheered and Vanjie's daddy rolled up in a Phantom.

"Hey kids, let me drive you to your new house." The ten of them piled into the fancy car and Vanjie's daddy did a u-turn.

"And here we are!" It was the house across the street.

"Thanks, daddyyyyy!" Vanjie kissed his cheek (this can be her real daddy or sugar daddy you decide.) and they went into their house. It was fully furnished and had all new wardrobes and electronics in there for them.

"T-this rules!" Katya cry-said, Trixie was her beloved, dear girlfriend so she was sad.

"Duh! Let's go to bed, I'm tired." Gigi said and the girls nodded. So they all went to sleep.

-

The next morning, they all woke up at 9 am , just in time for biology! They got ready in a flash and headed to professor Ru's class.

"Welcome, chirren! Today, we'll be focusing on frogs." Rupaul pulled a frog out of his pocket and set it on the table. It didn't move though because it was dead.

"Ewwww, grody!" Brooke said.

"Not grody, Ms. Hytes! Now, we'll all take turns on dissecting it. Who wants to go first?" Katya busted out into tears and balled.

"Oh... dead... right... Ahem, well, Katya you're excused." Katya got up and ran away and Sharon volunteered.

"I just loooove dead tingzzzz!! Me fururururust!!!" She walked to the front of the class and grabbed a scapula (that's the knife thing, I think) and went to town. She dissected it like a pro then ate the frog's little heart.

"...Okay thank you Sharon, you can go back to your seat. Well, since Ms. Needles finished you're all free to go!" The class left and the girls went to Starbiez. Katya was there sadly sipping on a trenta pinkity drinkity no ice no strawberries.

"Aww Kat, it'll be okayyyyy!" Alaska said and the squad nodded.

"Good thing I have you guys." She said with a smile. Gigi ordered for the rest of them (same order as yesterday) and they sat down and sipped on their yummy drinks.

"Isn't English starting soon?" Crystal asked and the girls nodded and downed their drinks and threw the cups in the recycling bin bc sksksk and I oop and I oop hmhm save the turtles! 

"Hello class! Today we will be working on grammar. Vanjie, do you know the difference between-" Rupaul wrote there, their, and they're on the whiteboard.

"Um... uh..." Vanjie said like Beavis and Butthead.

"There is... like 'that's there's'... Their is like "she's over their"... and they're is like "that's they're's."

"Ehm... not quite..." Brooke shot her hand up.

"I know!" Ru nodded.

"Go on."

"There - right there, their - that's their's, they're - they're here!" Ru clapped.

"Excellent job, Brooke! You get a free croissant from Starbucks now." Brock nodded and smiled and Vanjie rolled her eyes. Why was her girlfriend so smart, but she wasn't? Class was dismissed so the girls went back to the house.

"OH EM S GIRLZZZ!" Sharon said. (S stands for Satan.)

"Let's haaave a paarrrtayyyy!!!" The girls nodded.

"Sounds good to me," Violet said and Pearl nodded. Sharon got on her phone and texted all the hot frat boiz.

'Partay at Alpha Beta Gamma toniteeee!' All the hot frat boiz confirmed so the girls took showers, brushed their teeth, put on the sluttiest clothes they had (so basically all their clothes) and put on heavy glamorous makeup. They went out to dinner and when they came back, it was already 6:59! At 7, there was a knock on the door and all the hot frat boiz were there.

-

Everyone drank, did drugs, and fucked (oh what they're all lesbians dating each other uhhh) fucked meaning all the hot frat boiz fucked each other bc everyone is gay in this story. Suddenly, there was a loud scream outside and Gigi was nowhere to be found!

"Uh oh!" Brooke said and the girls ran outside. There was GIgi, beheaded and dismembered and bloody! Crystal shrieked and ran away back inside but then-

"WAHWAHWAHWAHWAAAAHHHH!!!" The girls ran over and there was Crystal, beheaded and dismembered and bloody! Violet called campus security and they got there immediately and so did Michelle and the crime scene cleaner uppers. Oh yeah and all the hot frat boiz left.

"W-we don't know who it is!! How could anyone do thisssss?!" Alaska cried as Michelle took notes.

"Alright, I've heard enough. I'm putting officers all over campus, if this person shows up, they'll be caught." The girls cried and nodded and Michelle hopped in the whip and skrrted off.

-

The next day, the girls went to class as per usual.

"Welcome to American history, folks! Today we'll be focusing on World War 2." Vanjie leaned over to Brooke.

"What the fuck is World War 2?"

"Oh it's-"

"NO TALKING PLEASE! Now, can anyone tell me which countries were in the war? Vanjie, perhaps?" Vanjie bit her lip.

"Ummm... American history... umm... Antarctica?"

"Uh... nice try, that was close. Anyone else?"

"I know!" Brooke said.

"America and like, other countries!!" Ru nodded.

"Very good! Since you did so well, class is dismissed." Vanjie rolled her rat shit brown eyes. The gang went to Starbiez after.

"Hi girls, I'm so sorry to heart about what happened to Gigi and Crystal!" Ross said and Violet narrowed her eyes.

"How would you know about that, ROSS?"

"Campus news, of course!" Violet opened her eyes again.

"Oh. Oh yeah. Well since Gigi isn't here to order since she was brutally murdered in an extremely timely fashion, I'll order. 10... oops, I mean 7 trenta iced peach green ice raspberry lemonade dragon fruit pink drinks with 10 Splendas, please. Oh and Brooke's free croissant." Ross nodded.

"You got it!" Ross made the drinks and handed them to the Krusty Krew and they sipped on them.

"So like, we should probably all stick together, eh?" Brooke asked.

"That would be the most obvious thing to do, BROOKE." Vanjie said in a beyond annoyed tone.

"Woah, Vanj, what's with the hostility?" Katya asked and Vanjie seethed. She scoffed and got up and went to the library.

"Um, no drinks allow-"

"YOU BEST SHUT UP FOE I BEAT YO ASS BITCH!!!!" Vanjie yelled at Silky the librarian. Silky raised her hands up like "damn chill" and Vanjie huffed out a breath. She sat down and grabbed a Diary of a Wimpy Kid book and started reading.

"Rowley rode his Joshie bike to Greg's house... ugh, this too hard!" Vanjie loudly said and left the library and sat back down with her girlfriend and friends. Everyone sat in awkward silence until Vanjie said,

"I'm hungry let's go to the Outback." The girls finished their drinks and recycled them and then hopped in Vanjie's Aventador SJV Roadster (pretend there's 7 seats in it) and skrrted off to the fine dining eatery.

"Oh hey girls!" Aquaria the host, server, bartender, chef, and busboy said.

"ENOUGH SMALL TALK GET ME A STEAK AND POTATOES. THE GIRLS WILL HAVE STEAK AND POTATOES TOO." Vanjie said and Aquaria nodded.

"Sure thing!" Aquaria made the steaks and then handed them to the girls.

"Thanks, Aqua." Brooke said and Vanjie glared at her as she viciously devoured her meal. She finished way before everyone and when Brooke giggled after Gigi oh wait um Alaska told her something funny, Vanjie snapped. She stood up and grabbed Brooke's steak and smacked her with it.

"Vanj!" Pearl said as everyone gasped.

"THAT'S RIGHT YOU BITCH! THAT'S WHAT YOU DESERVE MISS SMARTYYYY PANTS!! HUH?? HUH?!!?! THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!!!" Vanjie ran away and hopped in the frog but then-

"Vanjie, wait! We can't be alone!!" But she'd already made it halfway back to campus.

"Shit!" Brooke said and they ran to the parking lot and stole a car GTA style. They drove back to campus and when they went into the house, Vanjie was on the ground with her throat cut and somebody in all black was running away! Alaska called Michelle and she was on her way.

"Oh Lord, oh Lord, Vanj..." Brooke knelt down next to Vanjie and cradled her head as she gasped for air and choked on blood. She looked into Brooke's eyes with a look that said "I'm sorry and I love you" and she went limp in Brooke's arms. Brooke stared at her girlfriend's lifeless body before looking up at the girls.

"This ends TONIGHT."


End file.
